Hitsugaya Taicho and His NDS
by cg2006
Summary: To Sweet Little Taicho! From Your Wonderful Loving Kind and Gorgeous Fukutaicho! A present for Hitsugaya! EXTREMELY cracky, for my writing anyway. Includes 3 naked, drunk men. Normal Hitsu then very quickly very OOC. Consider yourself warned. ONESHOT.


I meant to draw this as a comic, but I only got three rectangles drawn and the first panel filled in, so... yeah... um...not much progress there...Well maybe I WILL get the comic version done(sometime perhaps maybe or not soon), but I'm in the mood for some quick EXTREME crack so here goes: THE VERY VERY CRACKTASTIC VERSION!! (honestly it wasn't this cracky when i had it written down...)

Summary: To Sweet Little Taicho!! From Your Wonderful Loving Kind and Gorgeous Fukutaicho!! A present for Hitsugaya! EXTREMELY cracky, for my writing anyway. Naked, drunk men. Normal Hitsu then very quickly very OOC. Consider yourself warned. ONESHOT.

Quick little note: I don't do the "ou" stuff like in "taicho" or "tosen" or "kyoraku" or "hyorinmaru." I mean sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, but to keep it consistent I left out the u in all of them I think. so i'm not unknowingly spelling stuff "wrong."

--

Hitsugaya and a Cobalt Blue NDS

"Taaaaiiichoooooo!" Matsumoto called for Hitsugaya, the captain of the tenth division. She peeked around the doorway that was the entry to his office. "Taicho? Where are you my sweet little captain?" she sang.

The sweet little captain was at his desk, attempting to hide behind a stack of papers about a foot high. Hitsugaya Toshiro may be short, but he wasn't that short. At least his hair wasn't.

"I spy with my pretty blue eyes...tufts of spikey white hair!!" the tenth division lieutenant squealed, bouncing into the room. "I see you, Taicho!"

"Rats, you found me," Hitsugaya mumbled, scribbling away.

"I got you a present from the real world, Hitsugaya-Taicho," giggled Matsumoto, with hearts fluttering around her head.

"Dot dot dot," said he.

Matsumoto brought her hands in front of her (for they had been clasped behind her back) and revealed a shiny blue and silver wrapped box with a big green-blue bow tacked onto the top. Also there was a tag that fluttered around. Hitsugaya looked up and caught glimpss of it. He believed it said "To Sweet Little Taicho!! (heart heart heart) From Your Wonderful Loving Kind and Gorgeous Fukutaicho!! (heart heart kawaii face heart heart heart)"

Hitsugaya's bright green eyes brightened and widened even more, until they became very big, round, and glittery. He dropped his pen and clasped his hands together under his chin. Shiny, fat, pink hearts orbited around his head. You could imagine Spongebob Squarepants when he gets a present from Squidward, or Rock Lee when he received a plate of the Curry of Life.

"OH ME GAWSH!" he gasped. "A shiny and blue and silver box with a big green-blue bow!! Wheee!! It's just what I wanted, Matsumoto! EMBRACE!!"

The little white haired shorty leaped/flew over his desk full of depressing paperwork and into the bosom of his lieutenant, and they embraced while a pretty sunset backdrop rolled down from the ceiling behind them. Kyoraku-taicho had bought a few of them when they were on sale for the date with Ise Nanao-fukutaicho that would never happen and gave one of them to Hitsugaya.

Matsumoto patted her captain on the head, giggling, and removed him from her. "Oh, you silly little Taicho, the present is IN the box! Open it!"

Eager as a hyperactive beaver, Hitsugaya tore the pretty blue and silver wrapping the shreds and gaped. "It's a--it's a--it's a..."

"It's a Nintendo DS!" exclaimed Matsumoto. "Lite!" she added. "And it's blue! You play games on it, so I bought you a game, too!" She pulled out another little box from inbetween her chest. "It's called Bleach: the Blade of Fate! Lookie! You're on it!! See? Between Zaraki-taicho and...um..."

"Grr," growled Hitsugaya, his cheery ecstatic-ness gone and replaced with his usual scowl. "Tosen, that traitor!" He clawed at the box.

"Oh my," sighed Matsumoto. Well, it really couldn't be helped that Hitsugaya was placed beside Tosen Kaname, the former ninth division captain. All the captains of the Gotei Thirteen were on there, placed in numerical order. Yamamoto, Soifon, Ichimaru, Unohana, Aizen, Kuchiki, Komamura, Kyoraku, Tosen, Hitsugaya, Zaraki, Kurotsuchi, and Ukitake.

"Anyway, Taicho, you still have to open up the box," said the lieutenant.

Hitsugaya did so, and when he did, his jaw went slack and his big green eyes had a dazed look in them. He carefully handled it...it was his first love... So beautiful...sleek...and blue...

"Ohhh..." he purred, petting it and putting it to his cheek. And the blue beauty was his. Alllllll his...until Matsumoto plucked it out of his hands. "Ahhh?!" he whined pathetically at his love being taken away from him.

"There," she said after she put the game card in and returned the sleek beauty to him. "Turn it on."

Hitsugaya pushed the little plastic power slider on the side. A green light lit one of the two slits on the little right hinge, but other than that nothing happened. His lieutenant, without completely taking it from his hands, patiently flipped open the top to reveal two big screens and seven buttons. The top screen said "Nintendo DS."

"Ahhh..." said the little captain, eyes glazy.

Matsumoto pressed the A button a couple times for him. The screen turned black with big red and white letters, and then a familiar voice yelled out "SEGA! BLEACH!"

Hitsugaya was bewildered. "Kurosaki?"

"Yep," said Matsumoto, "and I'll leave you to that." She skipped off, but not before snatching up a couple of bottles of sake, probably to go and share a few drinks with her guy buddies Hisagi Shuuhei, Kira Izuru, and Abarai Renji.

NDSNDSNDSNDSNDSNDSNDSNDS

"Aw, how come you didn't get me one?" whined the sixth squad lieutenant.

"Cuz she doesn't lurve you that much," slurred Kira.

"Llaaamaaa," sang Hisagi.

"Aaaaanyyyyway," said Matsumoto, randomly waving her hand in the air, "you should see him with it. It's sooooooo cute!"

The lieutenants from the third, sixth and ninth squads lay sprawled on the floor, clad only in their loincloths. Matsumoto lay fully clothed but facedown. It was her usual drunken position.

"Does it have meeeeee in it?" questioned Kira.

"I dunno," mumbled the female lieutenant. "'S got Ren-chan, though, I saw..."

"Awww, it doesn't have meeeeeee..."

The redhead flailed an arm. "Dun...dun call meh..." Flop. "Ren-chan...-snore-"

"Llaaaaaamaaaaa..."

She continued, "I think he fell in love with it...you should have seen him when he first opened it...he was purring...seriously... aahh... it's blue...he loves blue...oof." Matsumoto rolled over so she could breathe better.

"Doesn't have me..." sighed Kira.

"Don' worry," assured the woman, groping around for the third lieutenant's hand to pat it, "you're pro'ly in there, Izu-kun...we're aaaaaaaaallllllllllllll in there together..."

"Llama llama..." said Hisagi. "Llama LLAMA llama. Llama."

Renji scratched his bare thigh. "Mm...Taicho...right there...ohh...yeah...y' know the right place..."

"I know!" gasped Matsumoto. She almost clapped her hands, but they sort of missed each other, so her arms crossed and squashed her chest. "Let's go...watch Taicho plaaaaay!!" she suggested.

"Okay," said Kira, struggling to get up.

"Taichoooo..." moaned Renji, "unggh...taicho...yer...a great back scratcher... 'm awake, yeah... t' Hitsugaya's we go!"

"Hitsugaya-taicho!" corrected Matsumoto.

"LlaMA!" exclaimed Hisagi.

The four drunk lieutenants stumbled out the door for the tenth division captain's office.

NDSNDSNDSNDSNDSNDSNDSNDS

"WAHAHAHAAA!"

"Weeeee're heeeere!" whispered Matsumoto in a sing song voice. They were all pressed up against the outside wall of Hitsugaya's office. If one would count standing five inches away from it being pressed up against the wall. Well, they all believed they were leaning against something solid, that's what counts.

"Take that Abarai-fukutaicho. Hahahaa!!"

"Why'd ya get 'im a game that beats me up?" Renji whined.

"At least yer in the game," sulked Kira. Something big and warm grasped his hand. The blond turned and gazed stupidly into the eyes of his senpai.

"Llama, llama llama...llama," Hisagi said as seriously as a drunk person could.

"Oh would you knit me an alpaca sweater? Yer so thoughtful, Hisagi-senpai...can I request baby blue? It's such a lovely color..."

"Taicho likes blue!"

Matsumoto and the three naked lieutenants crept into the office. She led them to hide behind a couch in front of Hitsugaya's desk to watch him frantically mash buttons.

"Nyahaha!" laughed the little captain. "C'mon, who's next? I'll kick your butt, even as Kurosaki! Oh boy. Aw, damn...I'm sorry, Momo, but I have to...DIE!! MUAHAHA!!" Hitsugaya continued mashing buttons.

Kira gasped. "He's not fighting Momo-chan, is he?"

"I'm afraid he is," said Renji.

"Llama," Hisagi agreed solemnly.

The blond turned to Matsumoto. "How could you give him such a horrible game?"

The only present female lieutenant shrugged. "It looked fun...I thought maybe it'd be a way to let out his anger..."

"By beating me 'n' Momo up?" muttered Renji.

They watched the tenth captain attack furiously and curse and mutter incoherently for a while until they dozed off. Matsumoto's face was squashed into the squashy back of the sofa. Renji was dreaming and moaning about his captain giving him back scratches. Kira sat upright, wobbling a little and his head lolling, until he slumped onto Hisagi's shoulder. The ninth lieutenant drooled slightly, mumbling "llama" every once in a while under his breath. But the four spies were rudely woken up sometime later to Hitsugaya yelling "DAMN YOU AIZEN!", the cry of "HYORINMARU!", and a few sharp cracks. Matsumoto fell off the couch and landed on the floor ungracefully with a thud.

Captain Hitsugaya stormed past them without seeing them and left his office, muttering a stream of...certain words and what also strangely sounded like "I want toast."

"I'm cold," shivered Kira.

"Llama," agreed Hisagi.

The naked men shivered together and instinctively huddled closer for warmth.

Matsumoto, still on the floor, crawled over to her captain's desk, where she saw the poor cobalt NDS open, sporting shattered, flickering screens. She blinked and cocked her head to the side. "Aizen?"

--

(nosebleed from imagining Renji, Kira, and Shuuhei naked together. They make up my favorite pairings: RenjixShuuhei and ShuuheixKira...) Ahem. Bleach: The Blade of Fate is a really simple easy game...all you do is fight people... it is the Ichigo & Co. Breaking Into Seireitei Plot and stuff, and then there's some side stuff where you play as other characters and fight some more... I beat it spending a few hours on it for three or four days...And honestly I'm pretty bad at fighting games...and well, all games, actually. (sweatdrop) But if they made another one with the hueco mundo plot I'd buy it and play it. :D

...okay, this completely deviated from the path of the original comic outline!! (major sweatdrop) well I had planned on Hitsugaya being in character, and now he's..far from it...hehe... Review this crack?


End file.
